I thank God that I can now laugh about the things I have heard throughout my infertility journey. It was so crazy how the wrong words by a person could completely change my mood and throw me into a crying frenzy. I know people mean well but...... it usually doesn't come out that way. Here's a few of the many things you shouldn't say to a couple who is having a hard time conceiving and some responses. Some are from personal experience while others I just googled.
"Just relax and it will happen"- That's easy for you to say when all you have to do is sneeze and you'll be pregnant. I dare you to try for over a year and know that there is medically an issue and try to relax. Not happening. And who said I was stressed anyway?
This is by far the most common comment. Would you tell a cancer patient to “just relax”? What about a diabetic? Infertility is disease, just like cancer, just like diabetes. No amount of relaxing will cure it. Stress doesn’t cause infertility. Infertility causes stress.
The shut-up and take it answer: OK.
The over-the-top with joy answer: Why, you’re absolutely right!!!! Why didn’t I think of that myself! Thanks! Boy, I really mean it! That’s the BEST advice I’ve ever been give before. Brilliant! I love it! See you later, I’m off to relax now! (This type of answer works best if you shake their hand vigorously as you leave and then proceed to call them every ten minutes for the next two days to show your gratitude.)
Honest answer #1: I know you mean well, but my infertility is more than ‘nervousness’. It’s an actual medical problem. If you want to pepper this mature response with a snotty ending, you could always add: I could go into more detail, but I’m not sure you’d be able to follow.
Honest answer #2, a little more confrontational: It’s hard not to worry about something that means so much to me. How would you feel if it was you?
"Just go on a vacation."- Now I love a vacation as much as the next person but Seriously? What's a vacation supposed to do?
Ah yes, another favorite, right up there with “just relax” on the level of obnoxiousness. All I need is a week under the sun? Huh, and to think that I've wasted so much of our “vacation” money on doctors’ appointments, tests, medications, and IVF.
"I remember when I tried for my THIRD child and it took like 6 months." Really! Third child? I'm struggling with number one here and you really trying to compare. Let's be real!
"My husband just looks at me and I get pregnant!”
Oh, thank you for the side of salt to go with my wounds, how thoughtful! Why don’t you tell me how you were on the pill or breastfeeding and they just kept coming?
"My cousin's brother's aunt's baby daddy's girlfriend tried for like 20 years and she finally got pregnant even though doctors said she would never have kids." I love how everyone knows that one person. I see that you are trying to give me hope. But seriously ain't nobody tryna wait 20 years.
"Aunt Joyce knew a girl who got pregnant after she adopted a baby from Russia. The doctor said it had to do with her hormones flowing again."
The testy comeback: Well, I knew a girl who was so sick of people giving her advice on how to get pregnant that she went postal.
That last one was hilarious! HAHAHAHAHA.
Let me give credit where credit is due. Here are the websites that I got some of these examples from:
http://infertilityrocks.wordpress.com/2009/01/27/
http://catswithpassports.blogspot.com/2009/07/infertility-comments-101-things-you.html
4 comments:
I don't know if i was surpose too or not but this one was hilarious. How about this "hey man you got get it from the left." or "you have to drop them off at the front door" or "I guess your men don't swim right" SMH SMH.
It's supposed to be funny. I didn't even think about the things that men hear! That was funny
LOL, po djab! People say the darnest things for real!
Lol. You have no idea! And this ain't even the half of it!
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