TTP

So I've been thinking about this word: infertility. Doctors diagnose patients as infertile when trying to conceive for over a year without success. According to the dictionary, infertility is defined as not fertile or productive; especially incapable of or unsuccessful in achieving pregnancy. To me, this word such a negative connotation. It makes the situation seem hopeless. From this day forward, I refuse to speak that over my life. From now on, I will refer to this time as my transition to pregnancy (TTP). Call me deep if you want to! "Death and life are in the power of the tongue: and they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof." (Proverbs 18:21) I choose to speak life. I refuse to be called by a name or call myself by a term that I don't believe God calls me.

A Must See!

I remember the first time I saw this video, I got chills. It literally changed the way I thought about this infertility thing. I mean this woman was told that she should have a hysterectomy to remove the very organ that would allow her to carry a child. The doctors even said that is she did get pregnant the baby would never survive. Instead of crying about it and wallowing in self-pity, she decided to put her trust in the Lord. She laughed at the enemy and praised God in advance. She did end up getting pregnant and carrying a child to term. That goes to show you to not listen to man's report but to the report of the Lord. He is able to do what man says is impossible. Nothing is impossible for HIM! This is true for any situation that you may be going through.

Dear God

Dear God,

I'm just not understanding why this is happening to me. The doctor's say that I need to have surgery or do IVF. Lord, you know I don't want surgery nor do I have the money for IVF. None of these options are even guaranteed. My body has betrayed me. It lies to me every month. I'm broken. It seems like like everyone around me is either pregnant or has babies. I can't even get a piece of mind at work because all I do is deal with pregnant women or women with their newborn babies. What did I do to deserve this? I mean I did everything right. I waited until marriage. I even waited until I was done with school so that my finances would be stable and I would have the time to spend with my child. It's just not fair. I'm a good person. I attend church regularly and I do my best to live by Your Word. How come my 19 year old patients have 3 children at home while currently pregnant with the 4th? I feel like I see pregnant people and babies everywhere I go. Why do people constantly ask me when I am going to have children? I feel so alone. I feel like no one understands what I am going through. My husband doesn't even get it. I have more sad days then I have happy days. I've never cried so much in my life. I feel like a crazed women because this is all I ever think about. I no longer enjoy family functions anymore because I am constantly reminded of my heart's desire. On top of that, there's guaranteed to be one person to ask me when I'm going to get pregnant. God, do you even hear my prayers? Do you see my tears? I've been praying about this for over a year now. I would have had a child by now if I would have gotten pregnant in the beginning. I'm so sick of feeling this way. When are you going to answer my prayers?

----Impatiently Waiting on A Miracle


My Child,

My child whom is fearfully and wonderfully made. Of course I hear your prayers. If only you knew how seriously I take them. Was it not you who prayed for Me to use you to bring glory to My name? Was it not you who prayed that My will be done in your life? Everything I do is because I love you. There is not one thing that happens to you, good or bad, that doesn't pass through My hands first. How will you ever have a TESTIMONY without a TEST? How will your FAITH ever grow if you never have to trust me completely? I see your tears and it hurts me to see you down but I know what's best for you. I know what the doctor's say, but that is irrelevant because I am the GREAT PHYSICIAN. Don't believe man's report, but believe MINE. I hear your prayers and you will receive your heart's desire at the APPOINTED TIME. I CHOSE you for this battle because I KNEW you could handle it. When it's all said and done, you will have unshakable FAITH that surpasses all understanding. Your testimony will inspire and encourage others. It will touch the lives of others. It's not always about the final destination. Sometimes what you need to learn is from the JOURNEY itself.  I know it's hard, but put ALL your trust in Me and focus on me during this time. I will give you JOY in your sadness. I will be STRONG in your weakness. And remember always that delayed doesn't mean denied.

Love,
Your Heavenly Father

Guiliana is Having A Baby!

For those of you who don't keep up with the entertainment world, Guiliana Rancic is an E!News anchor who has had a very open and public battle with infertility. She has gone through several unsuccessful IVF cycles and has suffered a miscarriage. Before starting up another IVF cycle, she was diagnosed with breast cancer so she had to put her dreams of having a child on hold. She and her husband are now expecting a child through a surrogate. So now she has beat cancer and infertility. You may be wondering why I care or why it even matters? When I read this headline while browsing through my ABC News app, I smiled. I was genuinely happy for her and I don't even know her. Perhaps its because I can relate to her struggle with infertility. But all I know is that it has been a long time since I have been genuinely happy about anyone's pregnancy announcement (famous or not). Not that I wasn't happy for people, especially those closest to me. Infertility is a lonely and painful place to be so I would never wish that on anyone. But the little joy I would feel was usually overwhelmed by feelings of sadness. I would think about how I wish that could be me. Or how this person started trying after me and got pregnant so quickly. Or how this person is now having a child and I'm still not even pregnant. Or how if I would have gotten pregnant when I first started trying I would have a child right now. Praise God for my renewed sense of peace and patience. I am thankful that I can truly feel joy for someone else at this point in my life.

People Say The Darndest Things

I thank God that I can now laugh about the things I have heard throughout my infertility journey. It was so crazy how the wrong words by a person could completely change my mood and throw me into a crying frenzy. I know people mean well but...... it usually doesn't come out that way.  Here's a few of the many things you shouldn't say to a couple who is having a hard time conceiving and some responses. Some are from personal experience while others I just googled.

"Just relax and it will happen"- That's easy for you to say when all you have to do is sneeze and you'll be pregnant. I dare you to try for over a year and know that there is medically an issue and try to relax. Not happening. And who said I was stressed anyway?
This is by far the most common comment. Would you tell a cancer patient to “just relax”? What about a diabetic? Infertility is disease, just like cancer, just like diabetes. No amount of relaxing will cure it. Stress doesn’t cause infertility. Infertility causes stress.
The shut-up and take it answer:  OK.
The over-the-top with joy answer:  Why, you’re absolutely right!!!!  Why didn’t I think of that myself!  Thanks!  Boy, I really mean it!  That’s the BEST advice I’ve ever been give before.  Brilliant!  I love it!  See you later, I’m off to relax now!  (This type of answer works best if you shake their hand vigorously as you leave and then proceed to call them every ten minutes for the next two days to show your gratitude.)
Honest answer #1:  I know you mean well, but my infertility is more than ‘nervousness’.  It’s an actual medical problem.  If you want to pepper this mature response with a snotty ending, you could always add:   I could go into more detail, but I’m not sure you’d be able to follow.
Honest answer #2, a little more confrontational:  It’s hard not to worry about something that means so much to me.  How would you feel if it was you?

"Just go on a vacation."- Now I love a vacation as much as the next person but Seriously? What's a vacation supposed to do?
Ah yes, another favorite, right up there with “just relax” on the level of obnoxiousness. All I need is a week under the sun? Huh, and to think that I've wasted so much of our “vacation” money on doctors’ appointments, tests, medications, and IVF.

"I remember when I tried for my THIRD child and it took like 6 months." Really! Third child? I'm struggling with number one here and you really trying to compare. Let's be real!

"My husband just looks at me and I get pregnant!”
Oh, thank you for the side of salt to go with my wounds, how thoughtful! Why don’t you tell me how you were on the pill or breastfeeding and they just kept coming?

"My cousin's brother's aunt's baby daddy's girlfriend tried for like 20 years and she finally got pregnant even though doctors said she would never have kids." I love how everyone knows that one person. I see that you are trying to give me hope. But seriously ain't nobody tryna wait 20 years.

"Aunt Joyce knew a girl who got pregnant after she adopted a baby from Russia.  The doctor said it had to do with her hormones flowing again."
The testy comeback:  Well, I knew a girl who was so sick of people giving her advice on how to get pregnant that she went postal. 

That last one was hilarious! HAHAHAHAHA.

Let me give credit where credit is due. Here are the websites that I got some of these examples from:
http://infertilityrocks.wordpress.com/2009/01/27/
http://catswithpassports.blogspot.com/2009/07/infertility-comments-101-things-you.html

Delayed But Not Denied

Welcome to my blog! I never thought that I would be one to create and write a blog. I thank you for taking the time to follow my journey. My prayer is that this blog will be a therapeutic outlet for me to express my journey through infertility and prayerfully into pregnancy and motherhood. I also pray that this will serve as encouragement for those trying to conceive and anyone else who is going through any trial that may seem impossible. I will also post about random things like natural hair, fashion, beauty, entertainment and whatever else may come to mind. Please note that because I have been going through this for over a year, everything I post does not necessarily represent my current feelings, although I may have felt that way sometime during this journey. It will also be in no particular order as I will write whatever pops in my head. But it will be all things that I have gone through at some point or are relevant to my current state.  Also, when I told my husband that I was starting a blog, he said that he may want to post as well. It will be interesting to see what he has to say. I hope you enjoy and that this blog will be a blessing to you. God bless.