New Blog

The website for the new blog is http://roadtobabyabraham.wordpress.com. I will no longer be posting on this site, so make sure you subscribe to stay updated.

I Will Carry You

I found this song earlier today and it gave me chills. It is by the Christian group Selah. This song really spoke to what I've been feeling recently. I pray this song would minister to the one who needs it. 

This is the story behind the song. I literally couldn't fight back tears while listening to this couple's testimony. 

White Cheese and Chicken Lasagna

Greetings!!! It's been a while since I last posted anything. I've been bored in the kitchen recently and had a craving for chicken lasagna, so I did a google search. I picked a recipe with a picture that looked the most appetizing to me. One thing I did differently was use 1 cup of ricotta and 1 cup of small curd cottage cheese instead of the 2 cups of ricotta that the recipe calls for. I also used wheat lasagna noodles. Yummy Yum Yum!! This is a really good dish. Hubby even said I could add it to our rotation!! 

Click Here for Recipe. Enjoy!!!

What to Say

After reading my last post, my husband suggested that I wrote a post telling people what they should say or do concerning miscarriage. 

Disclaimer: Some of my thoughts and emotions may have been irrational. But who's rational when you're depressed? Also, some people may feel convicted after reading this post. Please know that I no longer feel this way. All is forgiven. 

So what do you say to someone who has has a miscarriage? I don't know that there are any magic words. But one thing you should definitely do is acknowledge what happened. For example, ''I'm so sorry to hear about your miscarriage.'' ''I heard what happened.'' Nothing is worse than people pretending something so devastating never happened. Especially, when it is family or someone that you consider a close friend.  It seems like when you are pregnant, everyone has something to say or some advice to give. But no one has anything to say when you are going through a difficult situation. Who needs an encouraging word more: the one who is celebrating or one who is mourning?

I also would say to show them that you care and acknowledge their feelings.  I know, I know. People don't want to hurt your feelings or make you cry.  I know, I know. People don't know what to say. Truth is, at my worst moments, there was nothing anyone could say that could make me feel any worse.  This also means that weeks and months down the line, you still check on them. So, just a text message every once in a while to let them know you are thinking or praying for them. Or just ask how they are doing. The tiny few who did this, have no idea what that meant to me. And sometimes those messages will come at the exact moment you need it. If you the afraid that you are being bothersome, ask them to let you know if you are. This was probably one of the biggest things for me. During the months that followed my miscarriage, I became so depressed. It seemed liked everyone had moved on but me. Which is normal, since it didn't happen to them. But there were many people whom I felt close to that I felt 'let me go' in my darkest moment. I know there were people praying for me and thinking of me. But to me, it felt like no one really cared. Some people I heard from the days after my miscarriage and months later still hadn't heard from. Some people would ask my husband about me, when they could have just asked me. Don't be discouraged because you didn't get a response to a text or a phone. Realize that they may pull away because they are grieving about what happened, but that doesn't mean that you have to. 

Lastly, I would say be aware of the way you act around them. People treat you differently after a miscarriage. I remember I would read this on other blogs or websites. But it is so true and also very hard to explain. People are so uncomfortable with this topic and their actions show it. Some will avoid you. Some will try so hard to make up conversation that it becomes awkward. 

This is a bonus point. Lol. There is no right way to tell someone who has had a miscarriage that you are pregnant. So don't plot and plan how to deliver the message or wait forever in hopes they will be pregnant again before you have to tell them. It will probably make them sad to find out, but avoiding the conversation doesn't make the pregnancy go away. Better to tell them, than for them to find out from someone else or for you to avoid or be awkward around them. 

I know a lot of people's reactions to me were 'normal.' It must be, since pretty much everyone I knew reacted similarly. But just because it's 'normal' doesn't make it right. Hopefully, this can help someone.

Until next time....

People Still Say the Darndest Things

This one is not funny like the last post. Also, all of these I have personally experienced.

Here's what not to say:

"Don't be sad"
Ok..... Sadness gone.
If only it were that simple, I wouldn't be feeling how I feel, almost 5 months later.

"Don't worry. You'll have another one"
This one bothers me for 2 reasons. 1. You really don't know that I will ever have another child. 2. It's very dismissive of the issue at hand. Everyone seems to think that another pregnancy will somehow make everything all better.
While I don't deny that I still want children, I really don't know that it will make me feel better about this miscarriage. I'm not only sad because I am not pregnant again. I'm sad for what was lost. I'm sad that even after I put all my faith and heart into believing in what was thought to be impossible, it was taken away. I'm sad because I know that I would have been about 30 weeks pregnant right now. I imagine how big I would be, what my clothes would fit like right now, what my nursery design would be, and whether I'd be preparing for a girl or boy. I'm grieving a child lost, that will never be.

"At least you know you can get pregnant"
Another dismissive response. It's like saying let's look at the bright side. When something is so fresh, no one is trying to hear that. Who cares that you can get pregnant, if you can't stay pregnant? Honestly, I would much rather deal with the thought that I may never have children than to deal with a miscarriage.

"At least it happened early. At least it wasn't a baby that you held in your arms"
Yet another dismissive response. Grief is purely subjective  Who are you to say that I would feel worse if happened later in the pregnancy? Is that how we comfort people these days, by telling how much worse it could be? It can always be worse. Seriously?!?

"Nothing"
These are the people who never even acknowledge anything has happened to you even though you know they know. Not an "I'm sorry" or "I heard what happened" or anything at all for that matter. Maybe for fear of saying the wrong thing or not wanting to deal. Believe it or not, these people do exist. If you consider yourself a friend or family, this is definitely not the way to go.


That's all I got for now. Until next time.......

I'm Back (Update)

I honestly thought I would never be back on here again. I think I actually said I would never blog again.  I've been contemplating writing a post for the past 2 months but never could. Apparently, today is the day. So much has happened since the last time I posted which was back in September. That is when everything changed. In September, my husband and I found out we were expecting our first child. We found out on the exact date that I dreamed about. Our due date was on our wedding anniversary. It was as if all the the stars aligned and we had the perfect ending to our 19 month struggle with infertility. We had our testimony. Only at 10 weeks, on October 12, I had a miscarriage. Definitely the worst thing that I've had to ever go through. I even had to have surgery for the first time. These past several months have truly been trying. The next few posts will detail my experience with miscarriage and dealing with life after loss. Please continue to keep me lifted in prayer. Until next time.

Chili

Hubby was sick earlier this week so I wanted to make something soup-like for him. I made a chili recipe that I've tried a few times before. This recipe comes from Publix. Its very tasty with a little kick to it. I substituted ground turkey for ground beef. I also didn't have onions so I left that out. I took a pic but it didn't do the chili justice so I decided not to post it. lol. The picture on the website looks much better.  HERE is recipe. Enjoy!

Coastal Scents Makeup Haul

I decided to throw away most of my makeup since they were all probably expired and many of them I haven't used for years. After using the Manly 120 eyeshadow palette for the past few years, I decided I would much rather stick to palettes for my makeup needs. You get a variety of colors and its inexpensive.Plus it's SO much more easier to travel with.  After reading reviews, I decided to purchase makeup from Coastal scents. I bought the 88 Original palette, the 66 Lip palette and the 10 blush palette. I've used the eyeshadow palette once and it's decent quality for the price point. I must admit I like the color options of the Manly 120 palette much more. That's probably because it has 32 more colors. My total was $54.27 for (2)  88 Original palette, (1) 66 Lip palette and (1) 10 blush palette. Very good prices, if you ask me. Of course, don't expect MAC quality if you're not spending MAC money. I personally don't want to pay that much for makeup,  especially since I wear makeup at most, once a week. See below for pics. If interested in purchasing visit Coastal Scents. See below for pics.
                                                   

   Lip Palette

                                                                   

              Eyeshadow palette

                                Original Packaging

    Blush Palette

CurlBOX

I got my first CurlBOX today! CurlBOX is a $20 monthly subscription that allows you to try some a variety of different natural hair products each month. Subscriptions are only available during certain times and many people takes months before they can get a subscription. I got it on my first try.  CurlBOX satisfies the product junkie in me without breaking the bank. Here's what was included in my box:

1. Design Essentials Twist and Set Setting Lotion (8 fl. oz.)
2. Ouidad Shower Comb
3. Ouidad Climate Control Heat & Humidity Gel (2.3fl. oz.)
4. Organic Root Stimulator Herbal Cleanse "Dry Shampoo" (8 fl. oz.)
5. Curl Hair Solutions Curl Keeper (1 oz.)
6. Taliah Waajid Curly Curl Cream (Sample size)
7. Senica Senk Shampoo Bar (1 oz sample)
Also included was a 20% off coupon for senicanaturals.com and 15% off Curly Hair Solutions and a coupon code for Design Essentials.

I'm excited to try all these products. I especially can't wait to try the dry shampoo. It claims to clean and refresh braids, locks, twists and other natural styles without water. I'll be getting kinky twists in a few weeks so I'll definitely be testing it out. Visit CurlBOX for more info.

Chicken Parmesan

Gotta love Pinterest! Can you tell I'm obsessed? Another great recipe that is tasty and only takes a few ingredients. I didn't have breadcrumbs so I toasted up a slice of wheat bread, put in through my magic bullet and sprinkled it on top. I also used five chicken breast instead of the four the recipe calls for. This is a must try. Here is recipe. Enjoy!

Baked Stuffed Potatoes

I'm always looking for a way to change up the things I cook on a regular basis. On Sunday, I knew I'd be making steak but couldn't figure out what I would make it with. Then I remembered I saw something on Pinterest. The answer: My Fridge Food. It's a website that tells you different recipes you can make based on what food you already have in your house. What a genius idea! This is what it came up with. A new take on potatoes. Click here for recipe. Enjoy!

Juicy Pork Chops

I made pork chops on Thursday. It's always a treat for my husband because I don't cook pork often. These chops were the BOMB.COM. They were very juicy and flavorful. I seasoned the 4 pork chops with a little bit of seasoned salt, garlic powder, parsley and worcestershire sauce. I let it marinate in the refrigerator for a few hours. Here are the instructions on how to cook the pork chops. This technique doesn't take long and makes the pork chops really moist.

Sugar Detox: 3 day review

So, I'm currently on day 6 of the Sugar Detox. Yay me! I made it pass three days, so now on to 3 weeks. I must admit, it's not as hard as I thought it would be. I haven't had any real crazy cravings. I do miss my Starbuck's caramel frappuccino every once in a while. Which by the way has 45g of sugar in the tall and 64g of sugar in the grande size. Grande is the size I would normally get! When I'm done with the sugar detox or on one of my cheat days, I will get the light version which has 29g sugar. I've been drinking mostly water. I had ginger tea with honey once. I've also been eating lots of fruits, which I do normally. I've been looking a my nutritional labels much more as well, making sure not to go over my daily limit. I've also been tearing up these all-natural sweet potato chips (only 2g of sugar per 12 chips) from the health food store. No cheat days yet. Although, I did have a dream last night that I ate one sugar cookie (my favorite) and was so disappointed in myself. That's all for now. I'll be back with an update once I hit the 3 week mark.

Sugar Lovers Anonymous

They say that the first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem. I AM ADDICTED TO SWEETS. There, I finally said it. I've always been a candy lover. Cookies, cake and other sweets are cool too but I can usually refrain from those more easily. I do have moments when I do crave those as well. And although I drink mostly water, I do drink soda sometimes.
 I saw the idea for the sugar detox on Pinterest (I love this site) and decided I would give it a try. Being that I was told I was pre-diabetic almost 2 years, it will be very beneficial for my health. I'm pretty sure my blood sugar levels contribute to most of my cravings for sweets. This is a three month sugar detox that is supposed to break your sugar addiction. Supposedly, once you get over the "hump", you won't even crave sweets anymore. This is an interesting fact I saw: the daily recommended intake of sugar for women is 25 grams or 6 teaspoons. One can of coke has 10 teaspoons of sugar. That is crazy to me. With one can of coke, I'm already over my daily recommended intake of sugar. Not to mention all the sugar that is contained in whatever else you eat. Sugar, like salt, is in a lot of the things we consume.
My goal for this challenge is to first make it through 3 days. After 3 days, 3 weeks. After 3 weeks, 3 months. Starting today, I will be looking at food labels for hidden sugar. I will make sure not to consume more than 25 grams of sugar per day. Definitely no candy or obvious sweets (cakes, cookies, etc.) I will try to not eat anything that contains artificial sweeteners (sucralose, saccharin, and aspartame). I will drink only water. I am limiting myself to one cheat day a week, but what I eat should be eaten in moderation on those days. Preferably, I will have no cheat days during these 3 months. If I desire to use what they call the added "free" sugars (honey, agave, stevia, maple syrup molasses, brown rice syrup) which are much better for you, I will still try to stay within the daily recommended allowance of 25 grams. Some of these are my own stipulations, the others are part of the original sugar detox challenge that will be listed below.

I encourage those who have a sweet tooth to consider taking the challenge as well. Especially, if you have a family history of diabetes. Even with a family history, you can make lifestyle changes to prevent certain diseases. On the website I will provide below you will find 146 reasons why sugar is ruining your health.

Wish me luck!

For more information on the Sugar Detox Challenge click HERE

Easy Homemade BBQ Chicken

I've been using this recipe for a while now. It's very easy and uses very little ingredients (ketchup, honey and Worcestershire sauce). This isn't one of those recipes in which you will never use the ingredients again. And leg quarters are one of the cheapest cuts of meat you can get.
 Being the Haitian that I am, I do clean my chicken thoroughly first. Then, I season it to my liking before starting the recipe. You don't need to much seasoning since you are covering it with sauce. I also don't add the onions that recipe calls for. I've tried this sauce for bbq ribs on the grill as well. It's taste great and is especially convenient when you don't have premade bottled bbq sauce. This website has several recipes, but this is the only one I have actually tried. Enjoy! (I didn't take pictures when I made this earlier in the week. Maybe next time.)

Italian Pie

Click here for recipe

I randomly decided to make this last night during what was supposed a quick stop to Publix after work I tried this recipe a while ago at Publix but never ended up making it. I'm glad I did last night. It is something different and surprisingly flavorful and not to difficult to make. I love the crust! Even hubby enjoyed it.

Of course, you can substitute the meat for ground turkey, although I didn't this time. I also didn't use Italian seasoning. I had a lot of seasoning left over from the White Pizza Dip. So I used basil, thyme, oregano, seasoned salt and garlic powder to season the meat.

 Enjoy!!

White Pizza Dip

If you are a cheese lover or white pizza lover, then this is the recipe for you. It's the bomb.com. It's an easy recipe that's great for parties.
If you are not a fan of tomatoes, you can always leave it out. I'm actually not a fan of tomatoes, but I don't mind them in this dish. It is best served with paremesan bread chips. I buy them at Publix but I'm sure that you can find it at your local supermarket.

Enjoy!

Click HERE for the recipe.

The Strength to do Nothing

I was supposed to write the post a long time ago, but never did because of doubt. A couple of days, ago my husband gave me a nudge and convinced me to revisit this blog post. He suggested I write of post of what I was believing God for and the things I believe He is saying concerning this journey so that we can look back and see that God has answered our prayers. Not only for ourselves, but for others to believe. During this journey, I have been very specific with God. Many of the things I  am believing God for, I have been reluctant to share with others. One of the reasons is because sometimes, when you tell people these sorts of things, they have a way of putting doubt into your mind even if you didn't have it anywhere in your mind beforehand. Another reason would be that I second guess myself a lot and the things that I believe He says concerning my life. What if I'm wrong? What will people think? At this point, I'd rather be a fool for God than to miss out on an opportunity for Him to show His glory through this trial. What greater testimony would that be?

Sometime toward the end of 2010 (I really wished I would have remembered the date), I was prophesied to. I was told to not be discouraged and and that it (pregnancy/baby) was coming. I was almost a year into this struggle to have children and was so excited to hear this word from God. You couldn't have told me that I wouldn't have conceived that very same month. That, of course, didn't happen.
Then, on February, 10, 2012, I was told that in order to have children I would have to have surgery or go through IVF. At that point, I was considering surgery because it would give me the option to have children in the future without having to resort to IVF each time. On February 14, my husband and I received another word from God which told us to give Him until September. I didn't want to believe that God would make me that much longer for a baby. So nonetheless, I prayed about the options set before. Every time I prayed, I never felt fully comfortable doing the surgery or the IVF. As much as my mind wanted to do SOMETHING, ANYTHING, my spirit wouldn't allow me to. I'm very proactive, so this was a first to me. My husband and I decided that we would step out on faith and wait on God. As much as we believed that God could use medicine to bless us, we didn't believe that would be the case for us this time around.

Even with the word from God, I still have moments of doubt and impatience. June 2, I had a dream that I believe confirmed the word from God. I don't particularly pay much attention to my dreams but this one stuck out to me. I don't remember much about the dream except for the dates September 9 and May 27.

Broadly, these are the things I pray for daily:
I pray for natural pregnancy that would prove the doctors wrong. I pray that everything from conception, to pregnancy, to delivery would have God's signature all over it. I pray everyone can look at my testimony and see that only God could do it. I am also praying for twins, a boy and a girl. How amazing that would be. That they would say I couldn't have one and God would show out and give me 2!

If you are reading this, I ask that you join me in prayer.

Until next time......

Bad Blogging

I'm such a bad blogger. I haven't posted anything in two months. I guess I haven't really had anything to say. When I first started blogging, I had my all the posts concerning TTP that I wanted to do lined up in my mind. After they were finally all written....idk. So anyway, I guess now is the time to start posting some of those random things I said I would do eventually.
So, what's been up with me during these past 2 months? I have this new obsession with keeping my nails done and kiss nail dress. I do them myself and I love playing with different colors and designs. I'm back to giving my natural hair the TLC it deserves. I was neglecting it for a while trying to finish up all the random products I had left in my bathroom. My hair wasn't loving that too much. I'm trying whole new set of products now. So far, so good. Maybe, I'll do a product review on those? Work is still work. Guiding mothers through the miracle of childbirth and supporting them afterwards. I'll be going to day shift starting next week. That should be interesting. As far as TTP goes, I've keeping the faith and doing much better than I was on my birthday. I've been holding on to the word that was spoken over me and what I believe God is saying about the situation. My prayers have now shifted. More details to come on that as well. Seems like everything is falling into place and my prayers are being manifested. I'll try to be better about blogging. Sorry to keep all my followers waiting. HAHAHAHA

TTP Regimen

CD = Cycle Day with CD1 being the first day of your period

The first year of TTP was the hardest. The whole process was emotionally and physically draining. In trying to conceive, everything is done in "cycles" according to your menstrual cycle. A cycle is considered from the first day off your period until your next period starts again. This will be an explanation of the "cycles" I went through.

As stated in previous posts, I received fertility treatment since the beginning since I had PCOS. The end of January 2011, I stopped taking birth control. I believe my first fertility cycle started in May 2011. Daily, I took prenatal vitamins (2 pills) and Metformin. Metformin was prescribed by my physician because I have insulin resistance and at times my blood sugar gets high (symptom of PCOS). Apparently high blood sugar during the first trimester can cause heart problems in babies. On CD 5-9, I took a medication called Clomid used to induce ovulation (produce and 'egg'). That's 4 different pills. Now Clomid is a beast on the body, at least for me it was. My symptoms included hot flashes, worse headaches, nausea, mood swings (according to my hubby lol) and all sorts of random pain in my abdomen. All these symptoms and more. Which by the way can be taken for symptoms of pregnancy! On CD 12 or 13 I would go to the doctor's office for an ultrasound to have my ovaries scanned to see if the Clomid was working and my follicles ('eggs'0 were the appropriate size for that point of the cycle. My doctor wasn't impressed with my follicles the first cycle but suggested I continue with the cycle. So the rest of the cycle consists of scheduled intimacy every other day from CD 12-20 (no comment!) According to the cycle instructions given to me, if your period doesn't come on CD 28, you should take a pregnancy test. What they don't tell you is that Clomid doesn't give everyone a 28 day cycle.

So imagine my excitement when CD 29 rolls around and still no sign of my period. But alas, my excitement is short lived because the pregnancy test is negative. Apparently, Clomid gives me a 31 day cycle. Go Figure! My cycle have never been normal so why would I expect them to comply with medications.

I believe the next month I redid the cycle only this time, I didn't go in for the ultrasound. Its hard to remember what exactly happened during each cycle or when they occurred. I think for the year I did four Clomid cycles. The reason I only did four was because of the emotional and physical strain. I would do a cycle and be so excited and sure that this one was the one that would work. Then I would get all sad and discouraged when it didn't work. I'd say I can't go through this again. Pray that it would happen naturally. Then get tired of it not happening. Then I would think, I can't, not do anything. I want this too bad to sit around and do nothing. God uses medicine to bless people too! Then I would blame some of the failing cycles on my hubby for being difficult and not sticking to the plan. Literally, this was my thought process for the entire year.

I remember one cycle, the doctor increased the dosage for the Clomid since it obviously wasn't working with the lower strength. I went in for my ultrasound and my follicles were the right size! Everything was looking good. The doctor got me all excited. I even told told her "don't get me all excited for nothing." She even gave me a medication called Ovidrel to use use on CD 14 that she said would guarantee I would ovulate. My hubby gave me the shot in my abdomen on day 14. We did everything right. I tried my best not to get excited about the cycle but I couldn't help but to be. Yet again, the cycle was an epic fail!

My days were filled with tears and sadness. Thinking about it 24/7. Wondering if it would ever happen. Being upset at work and even having to step away to cry. Being upset at at my patients for their fertility while I was struggling with mine. Envy. Anger. Self-pity. Loneliness. Frustration. The pressure from the people in my life constantly asking me when I would have kids. Being upset with God for allowing this to happen to me when I did everything right. Doubting that He could even do this for me. Not wanting to talk about it because it made me sad. But then wishing sometimes that someone would ask me how I was doing or how I was handling it because I needed to talk. I was a mess and most people didn't even know or notice.



*I write this and all my other posts so that I can remember where I came from.......