People Still Say the Darndest Things

This one is not funny like the last post. Also, all of these I have personally experienced.

Here's what not to say:

"Don't be sad"
Ok..... Sadness gone.
If only it were that simple, I wouldn't be feeling how I feel, almost 5 months later.

"Don't worry. You'll have another one"
This one bothers me for 2 reasons. 1. You really don't know that I will ever have another child. 2. It's very dismissive of the issue at hand. Everyone seems to think that another pregnancy will somehow make everything all better.
While I don't deny that I still want children, I really don't know that it will make me feel better about this miscarriage. I'm not only sad because I am not pregnant again. I'm sad for what was lost. I'm sad that even after I put all my faith and heart into believing in what was thought to be impossible, it was taken away. I'm sad because I know that I would have been about 30 weeks pregnant right now. I imagine how big I would be, what my clothes would fit like right now, what my nursery design would be, and whether I'd be preparing for a girl or boy. I'm grieving a child lost, that will never be.

"At least you know you can get pregnant"
Another dismissive response. It's like saying let's look at the bright side. When something is so fresh, no one is trying to hear that. Who cares that you can get pregnant, if you can't stay pregnant? Honestly, I would much rather deal with the thought that I may never have children than to deal with a miscarriage.

"At least it happened early. At least it wasn't a baby that you held in your arms"
Yet another dismissive response. Grief is purely subjective  Who are you to say that I would feel worse if happened later in the pregnancy? Is that how we comfort people these days, by telling how much worse it could be? It can always be worse. Seriously?!?

"Nothing"
These are the people who never even acknowledge anything has happened to you even though you know they know. Not an "I'm sorry" or "I heard what happened" or anything at all for that matter. Maybe for fear of saying the wrong thing or not wanting to deal. Believe it or not, these people do exist. If you consider yourself a friend or family, this is definitely not the way to go.


That's all I got for now. Until next time.......