TTP Regimen

CD = Cycle Day with CD1 being the first day of your period

The first year of TTP was the hardest. The whole process was emotionally and physically draining. In trying to conceive, everything is done in "cycles" according to your menstrual cycle. A cycle is considered from the first day off your period until your next period starts again. This will be an explanation of the "cycles" I went through.

As stated in previous posts, I received fertility treatment since the beginning since I had PCOS. The end of January 2011, I stopped taking birth control. I believe my first fertility cycle started in May 2011. Daily, I took prenatal vitamins (2 pills) and Metformin. Metformin was prescribed by my physician because I have insulin resistance and at times my blood sugar gets high (symptom of PCOS). Apparently high blood sugar during the first trimester can cause heart problems in babies. On CD 5-9, I took a medication called Clomid used to induce ovulation (produce and 'egg'). That's 4 different pills. Now Clomid is a beast on the body, at least for me it was. My symptoms included hot flashes, worse headaches, nausea, mood swings (according to my hubby lol) and all sorts of random pain in my abdomen. All these symptoms and more. Which by the way can be taken for symptoms of pregnancy! On CD 12 or 13 I would go to the doctor's office for an ultrasound to have my ovaries scanned to see if the Clomid was working and my follicles ('eggs'0 were the appropriate size for that point of the cycle. My doctor wasn't impressed with my follicles the first cycle but suggested I continue with the cycle. So the rest of the cycle consists of scheduled intimacy every other day from CD 12-20 (no comment!) According to the cycle instructions given to me, if your period doesn't come on CD 28, you should take a pregnancy test. What they don't tell you is that Clomid doesn't give everyone a 28 day cycle.

So imagine my excitement when CD 29 rolls around and still no sign of my period. But alas, my excitement is short lived because the pregnancy test is negative. Apparently, Clomid gives me a 31 day cycle. Go Figure! My cycle have never been normal so why would I expect them to comply with medications.

I believe the next month I redid the cycle only this time, I didn't go in for the ultrasound. Its hard to remember what exactly happened during each cycle or when they occurred. I think for the year I did four Clomid cycles. The reason I only did four was because of the emotional and physical strain. I would do a cycle and be so excited and sure that this one was the one that would work. Then I would get all sad and discouraged when it didn't work. I'd say I can't go through this again. Pray that it would happen naturally. Then get tired of it not happening. Then I would think, I can't, not do anything. I want this too bad to sit around and do nothing. God uses medicine to bless people too! Then I would blame some of the failing cycles on my hubby for being difficult and not sticking to the plan. Literally, this was my thought process for the entire year.

I remember one cycle, the doctor increased the dosage for the Clomid since it obviously wasn't working with the lower strength. I went in for my ultrasound and my follicles were the right size! Everything was looking good. The doctor got me all excited. I even told told her "don't get me all excited for nothing." She even gave me a medication called Ovidrel to use use on CD 14 that she said would guarantee I would ovulate. My hubby gave me the shot in my abdomen on day 14. We did everything right. I tried my best not to get excited about the cycle but I couldn't help but to be. Yet again, the cycle was an epic fail!

My days were filled with tears and sadness. Thinking about it 24/7. Wondering if it would ever happen. Being upset at work and even having to step away to cry. Being upset at at my patients for their fertility while I was struggling with mine. Envy. Anger. Self-pity. Loneliness. Frustration. The pressure from the people in my life constantly asking me when I would have kids. Being upset with God for allowing this to happen to me when I did everything right. Doubting that He could even do this for me. Not wanting to talk about it because it made me sad. But then wishing sometimes that someone would ask me how I was doing or how I was handling it because I needed to talk. I was a mess and most people didn't even know or notice.



*I write this and all my other posts so that I can remember where I came from.......