New Blog

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I Will Carry You

I found this song earlier today and it gave me chills. It is by the Christian group Selah. This song really spoke to what I've been feeling recently. I pray this song would minister to the one who needs it. 

This is the story behind the song. I literally couldn't fight back tears while listening to this couple's testimony. 

White Cheese and Chicken Lasagna

Greetings!!! It's been a while since I last posted anything. I've been bored in the kitchen recently and had a craving for chicken lasagna, so I did a google search. I picked a recipe with a picture that looked the most appetizing to me. One thing I did differently was use 1 cup of ricotta and 1 cup of small curd cottage cheese instead of the 2 cups of ricotta that the recipe calls for. I also used wheat lasagna noodles. Yummy Yum Yum!! This is a really good dish. Hubby even said I could add it to our rotation!! 

Click Here for Recipe. Enjoy!!!

What to Say

After reading my last post, my husband suggested that I wrote a post telling people what they should say or do concerning miscarriage. 

Disclaimer: Some of my thoughts and emotions may have been irrational. But who's rational when you're depressed? Also, some people may feel convicted after reading this post. Please know that I no longer feel this way. All is forgiven. 

So what do you say to someone who has has a miscarriage? I don't know that there are any magic words. But one thing you should definitely do is acknowledge what happened. For example, ''I'm so sorry to hear about your miscarriage.'' ''I heard what happened.'' Nothing is worse than people pretending something so devastating never happened. Especially, when it is family or someone that you consider a close friend.  It seems like when you are pregnant, everyone has something to say or some advice to give. But no one has anything to say when you are going through a difficult situation. Who needs an encouraging word more: the one who is celebrating or one who is mourning?

I also would say to show them that you care and acknowledge their feelings.  I know, I know. People don't want to hurt your feelings or make you cry.  I know, I know. People don't know what to say. Truth is, at my worst moments, there was nothing anyone could say that could make me feel any worse.  This also means that weeks and months down the line, you still check on them. So, just a text message every once in a while to let them know you are thinking or praying for them. Or just ask how they are doing. The tiny few who did this, have no idea what that meant to me. And sometimes those messages will come at the exact moment you need it. If you the afraid that you are being bothersome, ask them to let you know if you are. This was probably one of the biggest things for me. During the months that followed my miscarriage, I became so depressed. It seemed liked everyone had moved on but me. Which is normal, since it didn't happen to them. But there were many people whom I felt close to that I felt 'let me go' in my darkest moment. I know there were people praying for me and thinking of me. But to me, it felt like no one really cared. Some people I heard from the days after my miscarriage and months later still hadn't heard from. Some people would ask my husband about me, when they could have just asked me. Don't be discouraged because you didn't get a response to a text or a phone. Realize that they may pull away because they are grieving about what happened, but that doesn't mean that you have to. 

Lastly, I would say be aware of the way you act around them. People treat you differently after a miscarriage. I remember I would read this on other blogs or websites. But it is so true and also very hard to explain. People are so uncomfortable with this topic and their actions show it. Some will avoid you. Some will try so hard to make up conversation that it becomes awkward. 

This is a bonus point. Lol. There is no right way to tell someone who has had a miscarriage that you are pregnant. So don't plot and plan how to deliver the message or wait forever in hopes they will be pregnant again before you have to tell them. It will probably make them sad to find out, but avoiding the conversation doesn't make the pregnancy go away. Better to tell them, than for them to find out from someone else or for you to avoid or be awkward around them. 

I know a lot of people's reactions to me were 'normal.' It must be, since pretty much everyone I knew reacted similarly. But just because it's 'normal' doesn't make it right. Hopefully, this can help someone.

Until next time....

People Still Say the Darndest Things

This one is not funny like the last post. Also, all of these I have personally experienced.

Here's what not to say:

"Don't be sad"
Ok..... Sadness gone.
If only it were that simple, I wouldn't be feeling how I feel, almost 5 months later.

"Don't worry. You'll have another one"
This one bothers me for 2 reasons. 1. You really don't know that I will ever have another child. 2. It's very dismissive of the issue at hand. Everyone seems to think that another pregnancy will somehow make everything all better.
While I don't deny that I still want children, I really don't know that it will make me feel better about this miscarriage. I'm not only sad because I am not pregnant again. I'm sad for what was lost. I'm sad that even after I put all my faith and heart into believing in what was thought to be impossible, it was taken away. I'm sad because I know that I would have been about 30 weeks pregnant right now. I imagine how big I would be, what my clothes would fit like right now, what my nursery design would be, and whether I'd be preparing for a girl or boy. I'm grieving a child lost, that will never be.

"At least you know you can get pregnant"
Another dismissive response. It's like saying let's look at the bright side. When something is so fresh, no one is trying to hear that. Who cares that you can get pregnant, if you can't stay pregnant? Honestly, I would much rather deal with the thought that I may never have children than to deal with a miscarriage.

"At least it happened early. At least it wasn't a baby that you held in your arms"
Yet another dismissive response. Grief is purely subjective  Who are you to say that I would feel worse if happened later in the pregnancy? Is that how we comfort people these days, by telling how much worse it could be? It can always be worse. Seriously?!?

"Nothing"
These are the people who never even acknowledge anything has happened to you even though you know they know. Not an "I'm sorry" or "I heard what happened" or anything at all for that matter. Maybe for fear of saying the wrong thing or not wanting to deal. Believe it or not, these people do exist. If you consider yourself a friend or family, this is definitely not the way to go.


That's all I got for now. Until next time.......